My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
