On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I want to fling myself into the sun
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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