this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
