apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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