Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
