Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(816): View more from Missouri

FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick

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(704): View more from North Carolina

i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.

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(302): View more from Delaware

Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing

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(727): View more from Florida

We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."

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(440): View more from Ohio

I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife

(440): View more from Ohio

My tits sealed my fate

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(253): View more from Washington

First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere

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(302): View more from Delaware

you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.

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