So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dick very happy bro
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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