The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
