where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
