I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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