one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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