someone threw a dead crab at me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize