i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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