if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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