the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
