in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize