And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
