Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
As shirtless as possible
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
