Can i not drive my cunt home
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
