I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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