And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
