Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
