12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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