I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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