She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize