I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
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