just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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