Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
