Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
