I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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