she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
