Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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