I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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