Got a toothbrush?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
