Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I did not marry a roomba.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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