is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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