I can tuck mytits in my pants
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
