have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
