reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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