is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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