that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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