i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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