guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
