I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
