we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
