last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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