Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
