since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
