i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
