i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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