I just pynch a tree in the face
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize