Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
