All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
