So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
