I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
