It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
