Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
