And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
