cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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