i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
