She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
