I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
