I showed him my bush... on skype.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
