I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
