ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
