I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You brought string cheese to the strip club
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
