For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
