we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
