Barsexuality is the new black.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize