A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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