I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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