Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize