We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
