The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
