Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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