seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
a search helicopter?!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
