Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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