It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
