I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
