I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
