I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
